ALL HAIL THE THREE MONTH TURKEY.
near the end of the year, on halloween, something magical happens. all the turkeys of the world gather together in Turkey, and have a vote to see who will become the legendary 3-month turkey. once the representative is chosen he is sacrificed and buried. then when night falls, he rises from his grave and is full of vengence. because he is the three month turkey, he has special powers that come in phases. his hatred of the turkeys that killed him grows into a special power that allows him to turn turkeys into candy. but only for one night. so he goes around turning the other turkeys into candy. and spreads them across western civilizations households to be given to kids. His hatred subsides just enough after one night that he cant turn Turkeys into candy anymore, but he’s a turkey with a vengeance. he then goes on a killing spree, killing as many turkeys as he can. these turkeys are then rounded up, sold, and served on thanksgiving day. finally, the 3 month turkey feels sorry for what he’s done, and tries to appease the spirits of the turkeys that he has slain, so he spends the entire month of december gathering up presents. But these presents are then gathered up by santa and his elves, and there is nothing the 3 month turkey can do about it. he is then for the rest of December, tormented by the angry spirits of the slain turkeys. But, once new years comes around, the 3 month turkey’s time has run out, and the earth opens up beneath him, swallowing him into the depths of hell, where he is dragged down by the very turkeys he sought to appease. but he now realizes he deserves this, and willing goes into the depths of hell.